in my wooden box

At times like this, I think of nothing but leaving him.


When he keeps silent for reasons I don’t know and keeps me thinking,
When he brags to me that he’s already committed and make me feel insecure
When I feel that he does not want to be with me, that he just do it out pity,
When he ignores me for the things that I wanted
Or when I fail to comply to what he wants,
When he declares that he’s irritated, to all of my craziness,
When he proclaims that he loves his woman and I’m just a friend.
Or he’ll just find a perfect woman and that woman is not me.
When he doesn’t have any idea for the pains that he causes me
At times like these, I cannot even think of feeling the pain
(because it has been my companion)
Of tasting my tears,
(because I can even formulate tears, because I have known all its ingredients)
Because I am very much used to all of these.
I think of nothing but leaving him.

But when I remember everything-
The damn corny jokes,
The laughters,
The warm embrace and hugs…
The hand that caresses mine
The sweet and eager kisses,
The way he takes away my hair from my face
The humble looks,
The nonsense advice,
The sweet reconciliation after every misunderstanding,
The way I cry when we he says that he doesn’t want me to leave.


And all those bittersweet memories we shared
I think of nothing
But to love him with all of my heart.

Oh, how could I leave him when every time the damn idea crosses my mind,
I would remember who he really is and what he really feels,
And I would remember who I really am and what I really feel.

'What really breaks my heart is not the discovery that my prince is already committed to his princess. What really breaks my heart more is how I try to snatch the princess role for myself when in reality I am just the witch who gets in the way'.

I just recently had a dream that I was being chased by a prince holding a sparkling glass shoe. 12 o' clock had striked already that I had to run for my wicked step mother and step sisters might discover that I was actually that beatiful princess in that fabulous party gown. But then after some time I was no longer being chased by the Prince..I wonder where he had gone? Did he got tired of looking for me? And that was the time that I realized I wasn't the one whose being chased by the Prince. All along I never realized that I was actually the one whose chasing him. He has running for someone else, and that someone else was the Princess the real Princess; not me. That other pair of glass shoe wasn't meant for me, I wasn't the Princess I thought I was. I was one of those witches, the most wicked witch trying to take the Prince away from his Princess...

All of us dream of having a perfect love story much like of a fairy tale. We wish it will come true. We will find someone we think is our Prince and yet realizes in the end that no he's just a 'monkey' pretending to be a Prince. You may find a real Prince but then loses him to a wicked witch. We also play different roles in our own love story. Of course who wouldn't want to play the lead character of his / her love story. But sometimes you're not. Sometimes you will play as the antagonist, the evil one, a mistress, the one who messed up everything, the witch. In the end you know that whatever you do, still you will end up crying.

It breaks my heart knowing that I am not my Prince' princess. How can I be that someone who just simply sneaks in for his time and love. How many times I cried for feeling that I am destroying their love story, like a witch scheming to ruin the Princess' life. But this time its different because the prince actually loves the witch..not that much but still he loves her in any way he can. For the witch its more than enough.

But then there are the lucky ones (grrr! hehe) who find their Prince and they will leave happily ever after. Yes, there's no such thing as perfect love story, no fairy tales, no happily ever after..but I do believe that in the end in real world, there are happy endings. One can find a perfect love story in her own way, in her own choice. He may not be that picture-perfect Prince in a fairy tale but someone who can be a Prince for you even though you are not as pretty as Cinderella, because he will love you for who you are and who is willing to run for you even without holding that glass shoe.

In the end I may not be the wicked witch after all. For I am willing to let go the Prince for his true love. But she still love the Prince and she wont stop until he says her so...(still wicked:p)

Welcome to my new blog account in cyberspace..hehehe. My blogspot account. Wow, i never thought of having a new acount despite of me not being able to manage in regular basis my other accounts e.g. friendster, my space. multiply, facebook..wooha! Well I guess one thing that motivates me to create a new one is that this one I find so personal. I am just really literally starting..you see, I am not yet able to customize the settings, lay-out, audios..my pic! gosh how can I forget my pics..hehe.
I have gone through so much in my life these past months. Well.. 3 months to be exact. I have felt different emotions that a person can actually feel, as in...happiness- sadness, relieved-anxiety, satisfied-dissapointment, so much in love..then so much heart broken..hehe. I have a lot of things that runs through my head. That I guess, I really got this eagernes to write. I wanted to express myself through words. I have so many things that I would like to share and its kinda frustrating when I wasn't able to...nakakaloka!!!hehe.

New beginnings,,another journey..another chapter. Literally and figuratively I am starting anew. Yo may wonder why I used 'sunset' as this articles' image.. gusto ko lang ^^;.. nah, just kidding. I dont know.. i just have this so much fascination in sunset.. they say that a person who loves sunset is sentimental....(oopps lets reserved that for my blog next time..ok?) For now.. come with my new journey. You are free to comment just dont be so harsh..hehe. Enjoy!


Authors Note:( This article has taken 1 week to publish..reason: I always encountered a connection problem that I find it hard to save it.hehe.. Finally.. this time its a success!!